When men are young they have a sex drive that would drive a herd of elephants to stampeding. They are seeking to satisfy a deep drive that only Great Spirit understands the need to populate the planet.
Most of their life they are the ones to seduce their girlfriends and wives into the bedroom, or front room or any place that a woman will say Yes! Young women feel attractive when they are being pursued. Actually so do mature women. A woman with a good sex drive can be a wonderful sexual partner and enjoy participating in the many adventures that couples can create. And it is still in our culture and in the masculine DNA to pursue.
As a man matures he gets tired of his proscribed role especially when he gets turned down because the woman is tired, busy with her career, children, is done with sex or a myriad of other reasons including unresolved sexual abuse that the woman has experienced.
Mature men begin to experience their own challenges with being tired at night, preferring to make love in the morning when they awake with a nice erection. It is not a pee hard-on. It is a true sensual desire to make love if she were willing. Men begin to deal with ED, delayed or early ejaculation. Men also need to feel needed and desired by their partner even if he has put on some pounds too.
His manhood needs caressing, kissing, fondling and basic stimulation given to him from his woman. If she is still enjoying being sexual this makes it easier for her. The challenge is the old pattern of him being the initiator is deeply grounded in her psyche.
To switch this role does not come easily. It can be very frustrating to the man who has asked his partner to be more active, to get the juices flowing, to seduce him. This is especially true when she has said no to a morning intimate encounter and states there is time later in the day. Weekends can be more open for afternoon delights. The problem is she is making this statement and forgets about it. He, on the other hand, is looking forward to it all day. And when the day is slipping away he can be disappointed, withdraw and get angry and sullen. Her statement to him is a “promise” she is breaking. To her, Male & Female differences, she is reflecting there are no other weekend plans but staying home. Since there is not time in the morning, if he wants to make love he can approach her and initiate as he always has done over the past years. When he is upset and she does not know why, making love to him is the last thing she wants to do. She is totally unaware of her role in the upset.
Why did Great Spirit have to make communication so complicated? When the roles are being asked to adjust if not outright change there needs to be reminders. If you still work with a paper scheduling calendar write the new agreement at the top of every page for the year. Put the new agreement on a 3×5 card and put it in your wallet or purse. Whatever is going to help you remember that you made an agreement to keep your love and intimacy alive respecting the changes that take place over a life time of living with a partner.
Aging can invite greater intimacy and passion not less. How? Keep communication lines open, speak the unspeakable from your heart, take seriously your partners needs and desires. Do not make them wrong. Different from you is not wrong, it is just different.
No matter the age you are now, next year may bring about changes. Be prepared to grow and mature in ways you never imagined. It can be a fun adventure, keep a good attitude and go for all the gusto that life has to offer. You are the only one who stops yourself.
