Why Are We Sexually Incompatible
with Our Chosen Partner?

By Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.

Why do we pick the wrong partners sexually and what can we do about it? Or…We used to have a great sex life and now we are great friends.

What happens when the love is alive but the sex has died? Usually one partner has lost their sexual desire. The other partner patiently hopes that something will change with time and the sex life will kick back in. Five will get you ten, that this will not happen! The less sex one has, the less they desire it when they have a low sex drive. It becomes a bother. There is not enough time. It is too late at night and both are tired. So one month after another passes and before they know it, sex is not a regular part of their life but a long-sought-after occasional activity.

Most partners do not want to rock the boat. They have mentioned " it" and did not get a response. Or there was a week or two when some activity took place but it fell back into the old routine. When the other is not meeting one partner's sex drive, there will be a closing down of intimacy and resentment. This can end in an affair or divorce. The paradox for most people is that they still love each other and get along in all the other ways.

Here are a few problems we can look at. I will be very blunt in my communication.

  1. You are a lousy lover (male or female). Your partner can't stand your lack of prowess and skill and prefers not to have sex with you at all. So when they do, out of guilt because they do love you, feel lucky. It is a pain in their ass and heart to be with someone for so long - years - and you still don't know how to make love to them.
  2. You have told your partner over and over in nice ways, in sexy ways, finally in frustrated ways with a bit of edge to your voice, or even downright anger, how to touch you, suck you, or fuck you and they don't do it. Call it short-term memory loss or more accurately passive aggressive unconscious denial. They do not want to eat your pussy or suck your cock even if they say they are trying to learn. The proof is in the pudding. Anyone can learn, once the deep-seated block is released.
  3. You or your partner won't go outside the cultural/religious indoctrinated box. All your wisdom and maturity in other arenas in your life goes out the window when it comes to sex. There is sex therapy (find a good one who's outside the box) and sexual surrogate partners. There are sexuality workshops from Quodoushka Spiritual Sexuality Training to Tantra seminars.

Educate yourself. Sexuality is the only arena where we cannot do an internship as a form of learning. We cannot have a coach in practice or learn a new skill with a professional teacher. No other arenas in life expect us to have a level of mastery, which requires continual performance, and no way to get the training required. The Definition of Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Change any one thing. Seek experiential knowledge. Get help.


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Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C., Sexual Solutions. Ina is a marriage/relationship counselor resolving sexual problems, in private practice dealing with issues of erectile dysfunction, early or delayed ejaculation, loss of sex drive, aging, and teaching female ejaculation and non-orgasmic solutions. Mature men and women, you do not need to be without honest intimate touching. Resolve doubt and sexual insecurity, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation.


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