To Be or Not To Be .......Myself
By Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.
What kind of integrity do you have with your lover(s) or partner(s)? Are you dishonest because you do not want to rock the boat, hurt their feelings or possible lose a long term loving but sexless relationship? How many times did you make a decision without consulting them in regards to what they would or would not be sexually open to? You assume you know what they will say and how they will feel. So you just don't go down that track. Or you've gone down it with always the same response from them "NO", so you've given up. They do not know who you are sexually. And what if they really did know , would they call you perverted? Would they still love you or want to have a relationship with you? Has this already happened to you?
These are some tough questions. Do you risk being honest when you are first dating? How about after many years in a relatively good relationship? Can you break the truth to your partner?
Some individuals decide never to tell their partners that they love wild sex. That they need a more adventuresome sex life. Tie me down, blind fold me and have your way with me....please. So many couples just are not honest with each other. It is usually because one partner is more "straight" then the other. Or let's say indoctrinated by our religious and social system into thinking that sex is over rated, oral sex is dirty or after children it is just not that important. Can you imagine there are men and women who go through life never, and I mean never, experiencing the joy of giving or receiving oral sex because one partner says it is dirty. Or the woman receives but refuses to reciprocate.
Why does the partner that is less sexually educated, with the limited imagination and lower sex drive control the drivers seat in the relationship? In business, would you allow the less experienced partner to run the show? You would soon lose your business if you did. Why then do you allow your personal sex life to be run by the more limited, fear based partner?
There are no easy answers to these questions. But if you are in these situations you must ask yourself if this is truly how you want to spend the rest of your life?
Some individuals decide to talk to their partners. Do not allow yourself to be put off, do not take no for an answer. Many individuals do not deal with confrontation very well so they back down at the first signs of resistance. Get over it! Learn to talk, to communicate with the most important person in your life besides yourself, your partner. If you don't ask for what you want you will never get it. At least if you ask you have a 50/50 chance of getting it.
A partner who refuses to negotiate for a renewal in their romantic sex life is stupid. They have just told their partner to either cheat or die inside. You guess which one will win out.
If you chose to " do without" your basic sexual human needs, eventually it will catch up with you. You reach your 50's or 60's and bust out. Dying for confirmation that you are still a desirable human being , you cheat. This may mean having a lover. Some men will have been attending to their sexual needs with sensual massages including a "release". There is no mutual touching and this soon feels shallow. A worse fate is you lose your desire to live and you die much younger then you need to. But before you die physically, your spirit dies. Sounds like a great marriage doesn't it?
A sex therapist working with a sexual surrogate partner can help differentiate between a sexual dysfunction as a result of medication or surgery (which may be corrected) or a sexual dysfunction caused from lack of use, spontaneity, frequency, passion, desirability and variety which P can be reversed. Age, for men and women, plays a minor role in an individuals sex drive and function. Being intimate and sexual is the key to vitality and rejuvenating our self at the cellular level.
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Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C., Sexual Solutions. Ina is a marriage/relationship counselor resolving sexual problems, in private practice dealing with issues of erectile dysfunction, early or delayed ejaculation, loss of sex drive, aging, and teaching female ejaculation and non-orgasmic solutions. Mature men and women, you do not need to be without honest intimate touching. Resolve doubt and sexual insecurity, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation.
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