The Innocent Male Pays the Price
for the Abusive Man

By Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.

There is a phenomenon going on in our culture that no one is talking about. Men are not being warned, and only discover the problem after they have given their hearts to the woman they love. The innocent male pays the price for the abusive man.

The benevolent male loving his woman, treating her with respect, and with a caring and honest desire, enjoys a short time of passion and open lovemaking. At some juncture in their relationship she no longer has the same sexual desire. She does not want sex but will do it for him. He has not changed his attentiveness, compliments, romancing or tender caring for his women. She just has turned off and wants him to just " hurry up" and "get it over with" if she will have sex at all!

After many heartfelt and eventually frustrating requests for communication and intimacy, it comes out that she had been sexually raped or molested when she was young. She may or may not have done counseling, to no avail. She has tried to " put it" out of her mind. She has blocked it so well that she does not see the relationship between the abuse and her lack of sensual/sexual desire.

Her innocent male partner is now suffering. He is accused of being over sexed. She rejects him and says he is not a good lover. She screams at him....that she has never had an orgasm with him. Where is the woman he first met who was full of passion and desire? Was it all a "front"? Was she faking the hours of sexual pleasure? How could he have been so wrong? He feels used, especially if there are children in the picture. Did she just make love to him to have the security of marriage and children, then, when she got what she wanted, cut him off? These are the thoughts that go through a man's head.

He is devastated. The woman he loves, who he has made love to, joyfully, for years, has just castrated him with her words and anger, but worst of all, the acquiescence of her body which he thought she was giving willingly with mutual pleasure.

She refuses to do any marriage/sex counseling. She says it is "his" problem. He wants sex too much. She is content with sex once a month or every few months if that.

This innocent male is paying the price. He gets caught up in his woman's rejection and begins to feel the victim. He starts reacting with anger, hurt, and frustration. He resorts to sensual massages and an inner turmoil that tears him apart. He loves his wife (and his children) but his basic needs for touch, intimacy and loving sex are not being met. The massages soon are a shallow substitution, his masturbation relieves some of the physical tension but this is not the life he had envisioned for himself. He is dying inside and turns to work. Work keeps him busy and making good money, which provides for his family. Everything looks ok on the outside, but he is dying inside.

If this is your situation, seek professional help from a sex/marriage counselor. Come by yourself if need be and begin making the changes that will heal your life.


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Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C., Sexual Solutions. Ina is a marriage/relationship counselor resolving sexual problems, in private practice dealing with issues of erectile dysfunction, early or delayed ejaculation, loss of sex drive, aging, and teaching female ejaculation and non-orgasmic solutions. Mature men and women, you do not need to be without honest intimate touching. Resolve doubt and sexual insecurity, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation.


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