How to Keep Your Relationship
Sexually Alive

By Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.

Using fantasy and role-playing keeps your relationship alive. Most of us do not think we have a bone of talent when it comes to acting - and yet we put on a "different face" as the social occasion requires. So why is it when we get into the bedroom we feel foolish or not up to the job to play out an erotic scene with our partner? Oh, we may be awkward at first, but practice makes perfect. Sharing our fantasies with our lover/partner creates intimacy.

Our society has taught us, or rather programmed us, to think that fantasies take us away from our partner. It is portrayed as cheating. "Aren't I enough?" is the cry of the wounded partner.

The answer is, "No!" After 25 years of marriage, or even 5 years of routine lovemaking, you are not enough. No wonder so many couples have affairs: variety is the "spice of life" and we can get it right in our own bedrooms if we are willing to break out of our sexually repressed, indoctrinated boxes.

  • First: The brain is a muscle and works 24/7. If you do not give it something to think about, it will come up with its own agenda. This is an unneeded distraction when you are making love. The key is to think about sex. Use your imagination. You do not have to focus on a specific person as much as a scene that turns you on. Invite one or more sexual playmates into your fantasy. You do not have to be monogamous in your dreams. Your partner can join in on the fun and be the ringmaster if you are willing to talk your fantasy our loud while making love, or you can create a scene that is just between you and your partner. Your partner can become the service person who catches you lying nude, pleasuring yourself by the pool before seducing you in your own back yard.
  • Second: Sexual fantasy is one of the best ways a woman can teach herself how to have an orgasm. It takes body, mind, spirit and soul surrendering to the moment. Sharing fantasies and living them out for each other increases the intensity of the interaction with you and your partner. Lovemaking should be passionate, exciting and energizing, not humdrum. Maintenance sex has a place but not as a regular diet.
  • Third: If you don't know how to create fantasies, go to a bookstore and find the sexuality section. Find some erotic writing and thumb through it. See if the erotic writing stirs you. Yes, right there in the store. Close the book before you embarrass yourself, and buy it. Do not put the book on the top shelf in your bedroom and forget about it. That very night, you and your partner should read a page or two together. If you and your partner have any sex drive at all, you won't make it to page four. Your lovemaking will be more passionate than you have enjoyed in a long time.

The mind is an amazing tool:
it is the most powerful sex organ we have.
Use it!


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Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C., Sexual Solutions. Ina is a marriage/relationship counselor resolving sexual problems, in private practice dealing with issues of erectile dysfunction, early or delayed ejaculation, loss of sex drive, aging, and teaching female ejaculation and non-orgasmic solutions. Mature men and women, you do not need to be without honest intimate touching. Resolve doubt and sexual insecurity, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation.


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