How Much Sex Is Too Much?
By Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.
Some of you may not like what I have to say in this article. You are forewarned. I am not speaking about a sexual addiction. I am addressing healthy people with a healthy, high sex drive. Of late in my private practice I have had clients ask, "Is there something wrong with me, how much sex is too much?"
My first question is always an intimate one: "How much sex are you having with your partner and/or from self -pleasuring?" I do not use the common word masturbation. I prefer a more accurate descriptive phrase; besides, masturbation at its root, means to self-abuse. I do not abuse myself. I pleasure myself. The response from my clients has been from daily to 2 - 4 times a day engaging with a partner combined with self pleasuring, or simply pleasuring one's self without always a full ejaculation or orgasm. All of the above answers fall into the category of healthy. Yes, even 4 times a day!
Now some folks do not have a sex drive that warrants this type of sexual activity. In most partnerships one person will have a higher sex drive than the other. Here is the general rule of thumb: the partner with the lower sex drive should increase their activity to meet the needs of the higher drive. This may not be "fair" but it is definitely healthy.
What most of us have never been taught is the key role our sex life and especially orgasms play in maintaining a healthy body, mind and spirit. The higher the level of orgasm one can experience, and there are 5 levels (which are not taught in traditional sex class 101), the more vibrant we will be emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and sexually. This body of knowledge comes out of the Ancient Shamanic traditions of Chuluaqui Quodoushka, handed down in an oral history from the Mayan civilization and the Twisted Hair Council of Elders to my teacher Thunder Strikes.
Sexuality sits in the center of the medicine wheel; in the south are our emotions, the west our physical, the north our mental, the east our spiritual and in the center, our sexuality. Like spokes on a wheel, when we deal with our sexual energy it will impact our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual state. How bumpy is the ride? How do we feel about ourselves? What condition is our body in? It confronts us with a true assessment of our self worth.
Rather than deal with our sexuality it is much easier to buy into the puritanical traditions of our heritage in the United States and be less sexual rather than more sexual, limiting our imagination in regards to our love making with our partner, rather than having an open and unlimited imagination. It is easier to insist the partner with the higher sex drive is "over sexed" rather than admit your fears and limitations around sexuality.
The experience of orgasm with or without a partner balances out your inner environment. It heals you at the cellular level. When getting sick, express your sensuality and sexuality and have an orgasm. You can heal yourself. High level orgasms are what rejuvenates the body and is the key to longevity.
Sex is Natural. The Great Spirit (or by whatever name you wish to call this higher power) created our bodies, and they are beautiful. The key is sexual freedom, not license. This means we are to assume authority, take responsibility and be spiritually accountable for our god given right as a spiritual sexual human being.
So the next time someone tells you, "you are over sexed," hold out the possibility that they could increase their passion and health and have a lot more energy for all the things they want to accomplish in their life. Sex, Passion and Orgasms are the gasoline in the engine; do not let it run dry.
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Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C., Sexual Solutions. Ina is a marriage/relationship counselor resolving sexual problems, in private practice dealing with issues of erectile dysfunction, early or delayed ejaculation, loss of sex drive, aging, and teaching female ejaculation and non-orgasmic solutions. Mature men and women, you do not need to be without honest intimate touching. Resolve doubt and sexual insecurity, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation.