You Can't Win If You Don't Play
It Won't Work If You Don't Try

By Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.

I just came back from a conference for the Society of Scientific Study of Sexuality. There were Professors, Psychologists, Sexologists, Sex Therapists, well known Authors in the field of sexology, published photographers and college students. There were many interesting, exciting and discouraging presentations on sexual research.

One such project assessed over 23,000 participants. The question, "Did you read material to help you improve your sex life?" Answer; over 50% said yes. That was great, 11,500 people read to try and figure out how to have a better sex life. Question: How many people who read the "helpful" material actually spoke to their partner, spouse or lover about it? The numbers dropped way off. Question, How many people tried at least one of the suggestions they read about? Answer about 150 out of 23,000.

Makes you wonder! Your sex life is not going the way you want it to so you read about how to fix it then you do not talk to your partner about it and you do not even try one thing different. Then you wonder why nothing is changing. I believe that is the definition of insanity to be doing the same thing over and over and expect something to change.

Bottom line, you can't win if you don't play and it won't work if you don't try it. Common sense yes and yet we are so afraid to speak the truth to our partner and to try new things in the bedroom. Do you feel silly if you try something new?

Do you have a partner that no matter what you do - bring flowers home for her, tell her how much you love and appreciate her - nothing works? She's not interested or she acquiesces 2 times a month.

The question to be or not to be sexual (meaning any of the following: passionate, intimate sensual, nude and caressing each other with or without intercourse, oral pleasure, orgasms or just enjoyment) becomes a very challenging one. What are you to do if one of you wants it and the other does not? Who is breaking the marriage vow? The partner who doesn't want sex (see above definition) and thinks their partner should go without, too, or the person who is considering or already is taking care of their sexual needs outside their committed relationship/marriage?

How committed are you to having a healthy intimate sex life with your partner? Will it create too much dissonance and grief between you for you to bring it up again? Another research project discovered women for the most part are sexually satisfied and their men are not. The majority, hear me, the majority of men in this survey are not satisfied and the women do not know their men are not happy in the bedroom. Hello!! Someone is not talking; someone is not asking questions, communication is not happening. The one thing, the biggest thing that keeps a couple sexually happy for years is talking to each other. Tell each other what you enjoy in the bedroom about the other. Say I love you often. Ask for what you need and desire and tell your partner how wonderful it is when they give it to you. Call each other up and tell them you can't wait to make love to them. They will have the whole day to think about it and you will have the whole day to think of something fun and different to do. Like make love in a different room. It does not have to be complicated. Just read the suggestions then talk about it and do one thing different.


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Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C., Sexual Solutions. Ina is a marriage/relationship counselor resolving sexual problems, in private practice dealing with issues of erectile dysfunction, early or delayed ejaculation, loss of sex drive, aging, and teaching female ejaculation and non-orgasmic solutions. Mature men and women, you do not need to be without honest intimate touching. Resolve doubt and sexual insecurity, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation.


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