By Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.
The ultimate contract between two persons in a lover relationship is one of mutual benefit and welfare. We select people who are absolutely appropriate at any given moment, because they reflect what we are not accepting in ourselves. So here is the higher, often times unspoken agreement you both have made, the “Intimacy Agreement” to bare it all: to stand open and naked in front of the other, while together accepting the burden of mutual benefit and welfare. Naked means more than without clothes: it is to share your strengths and weaknesses, your fears and insecurities. It is to share your dreams and joys, the things you are proud of and the things you wish you could erase from your memory. This is done from free will, as an individual autonomous being, choosing the mirror reflection of a lover, being honest and asking for honesty.
It is difficult to create mutual benefit and welfare when you do not know how you can support your partner, because you have not talked with them. You think everything is going along just fine, but you haven’t a clue. Neither of you is getting your needs met in the relationship, usually in the arenas of sensual intimacy and sex, because you have not spoken to each other about things that really matter. Relationships are either growing or dying; there is no such thing as standing still. Death in a relationship can be very scary. And, it is not a bad thing if you allow the death to bring needed change and rebirth, no different than the winter death blossoming into spring. It is important that you support your relationship in its natural death-change seasons and prevent the other “D” word – called Divorce – from happening. (Divorce can happen even if you are not married.)
The Beauty of relationship is that it will grow and change with you if you allow it to, if you do not settle for less. Romance can awaken your body, mind and spirit. You can experience passion and energy in your life, which is the gift of our spirit being in a physical form. Do you have enough passion in your relationship with self, life and others?
More often than not we feel secure in a relationship and are afraid to rock the boat or speak our true feelings. Give each other the greatest gift you can share this holiday season: support each other, and speak your needs and desires. Invite your relationship to become more intimate, more passionate and more giving. Relationships are about mutual benefit and welfare: what you give. And in the giving, you will receive.