The Untold Story
By Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.
Many of the articles I write come from my clients. I change a few key points to protect their privacy.
I have one client who has two lovely boys, one and five years old. His wife is alcoholic in full denial. She physically attacks him, chokes him and scratches his face, drawing blood. He came to see me because of early ejaculation, not a dysfunctional relationship.
This man is not a wimp. He is an ex-competitive martial artist. He cannot lay a finger on his wife even to defend himself or he will be going to jail. This man is no longer in the prime of his life and he is about 40 pounds overweight, making him a big guy.
He has left his home under physical attack from his wife, going to his next-door neighbors’ house for them to witness his bloodied face. He has called the police, who thought he was the perpetrator till they saw her ranting and raving and his bloody face and suggested he have her arrested. He thought it would be too traumatic for his children. Wrong. Living with a raging mother is traumatic.
His oldest boy will come running out of his bedroom yelling mommy mommy stop hitting daddy, and begins hitting his mommy, trying and get her to stop hitting his father. My client tells his little boy not to hit his mother, that it is not right and he leaves to stop the cycle. His neighbors gave him an open door policy anytime he needs to escape.
This man has a booming franchise business and supports his wife and children in a beautiful large home. He does not want to lose his children or his home; they used to love each other.
He has found bottles of booze hidden in the laundry, in an upstairs bedroom, bathroom, in the kitchen, den and even found her passed out on their bed asleep in her own vomit. He videotaped this.
They have stopped being sexual. He has no desire to be intimate with her. He prefers to masturbate. When he finally does have sex with her he has early ejaculation. Of course this could happen due to the long stretches between having intercourse and wanting to get it over with.
Early ejaculation was a minor problem compared to the physical abuse and irrational behavior of his wife. I recommended he get a lawyer. Too much damage had already been done to him and his children. The children were already establishing a pattern of seeing physical abuse. Physical abuse gets passed down from one generation to another. The contamination and violence had already infiltrated the mind, body and heart of these children especially the eldest. How were these young boys going to relate to future girlfriends and lovers?
This man found out through active surrogacy work that he could get an erection and maintain it for 45 minutes. More importantly he realized he had a responsibility to protect his sons and himself. To secure a safe home and get a good lawyer.
When an alcoholic is in denial they have to hit bottom, lose everything then maybe they will deal with their disease.