What Is Love?
By Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.
The difference between a male and a female approach to sex and love may be stated: Men will love to get sex and women have sex to get love. We can have sex without love and love without sex. But when you bring these two together, it creates a formula that can move mountains. So, let us redefine the word "love." Love is the greatest power in the universe and this is its formula:
||Loyalty to your own Soul's self-growth and development
||Offer support and strength without rescuing
||Validate, do not assume you know what the other is thinking or feeling
||Express and take responsibility for your emotions
If you don't honor your own self-growth and development, resentments build and you may end up blaming your partner because your life is unfulfilled. Your partner probably never asked you to do half the things you do. You created your life and only you can change it. What good does it do to be loyal to everyone else when you begin to hate your own life? You are here for your soul's evolution. What are you doing about it? Do not use this as an excuse to abandon your responsibilities. Renegotiate with yourself and change one thing at a time. Love means being loyal to yourself and others.
Most people care so much that they try and prevent loved ones from going through the same hurts they went through. You rescue them, making you feel needed. Your partner may accept it because, after all, that is who you are and they love you. They may not like how you are always trying to rescue them, but they can't get you to change without a fight. Remember you can offer support but you each have your lessons to learn in life and you must walk your own individual path.
There is nothing sadder than after 25 years of marriage thinking that you know each other. You have lost all dignity and respect for your partner because you assume you know what your partner is feeling and thinking. You have learned to read the roll of his eyes or the sigh of her frustration. And, of course, after all these years, you no longer need to ask your partner what is going on because you think you already know. As a marriage counselor the first thing I tell couples is, "You don't know a damn thing about each other. Otherwise you would not be so unhappy, and stuck and in my office." Stop assuming and start talking. Validate and be open to listen to them, not to your inner dialogue. This is an act of love.
Emotions are e-energy in motion. When you become emotional you are nullifying your energy. Have you ever become so angry you could not think? After the fact you thought of all sorts of wonderful thing you could have said. All of your feelings are valid. Expressing just one is out of balance. Your energy motion is like the waters of grandmother earth. There are soft moving streams, white rapids. waterfalls, deep pensive lakes and vast oceans. Can you express all these forms of energy, or is frozen snow your sole expression? Ask your partner if you are not sure. They know!
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Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C., Sexual Solutions. Ina is a marriage/relationship counselor resolving sexual problems, in private practice dealing with issues of erectile dysfunction, early or delayed ejaculation, loss of sex drive, aging, and teaching female ejaculation and non-orgasmic solutions. Mature men and women, you do not need to be without honest intimate touching. Resolve doubt and sexual insecurity, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation.
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