Wake Up, Girlfriend!
By Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.
I cannot begin to tell you how many male clients I have who have been faithful to their wives after years of marriage with no sexual relations. The men have a sex drive, or used to. That is why they come to me, a SEX THERAPIST, to find out what is wrong!
They have talked to their wives repeatedly. They do not want a divorce, usually for two reasons, children and finances. They want to be an active parent, raising their children. Or they cannot financially afford a divorce.
Most of the time, these men like and love their wives. Their wives are good women, companions and friends but there is just no sex. It did not begin that way. The first 10 years or so of marriage were very sexually satisfying to both partners, according to the men. If we assume their perspective is accurate, what happened?
Girlfriend, wake up! Do you really understand that when you refuse to have sex with your husbands that you are almost guaranteeing infidelity?
When you find out he is getting sensual massages or has a sexual friend on the side, you get to be justified in your anger. He broke his marriage vows to you. Forget the fact that you broke them first by not caring and sharing your intimate life with him. A relationship is about Mutual Benefit and Welfare. How selfish is it for one partner, male or female, to refuse sex to the other partner? It is the most caring, intimate expression of love. We as a human race need touch, intimacy, food, water, shelter, clothing and orgasms. These are basic needs!
Girlfriend, why do you refuse to be intimate or have sex with the man you love, the father of your children, your best friend? Was he that bad a lover? Or have you just lost interest? The saying, "if you don't use it, you lose it," is true for men and women.
Please, do not stop learning. Open your minds and heart to your partner. It could save you both years of grief.
Perhaps these two suggestions will give you a place to begin. One, attend the movie " What the Beep!!!!!! Do We Know". It will take you into and beyond the sexual questions into Quantum Physics for the layman. It is a life-changing movie. You will understand the importance of sex, as a life energy. You can find it on line. It is playing at a Harkins Art Theater, currently at 101 & Greenway, Arrowhead Mall.
Two, though I do not agree with her political and religious principals I have not read a better book on relationships then The "Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Stop......just buy it and read it.
Last but not least, Sisters, if you love him unconditionally and do not want to have sex then give him permission to take care of his basic sexual needs, in a safe and confidential manner. Do not make him lie and cheat then blame him for his infidelity.
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Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C., Sexual Solutions. Ina is a marriage/relationship counselor resolving sexual problems, in private practice dealing with issues of erectile dysfunction, early or delayed ejaculation, loss of sex drive, aging, and teaching female ejaculation and non-orgasmic solutions. Mature men and women, you do not need to be without honest intimate touching. Resolve doubt and sexual insecurity, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation.