By Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.
Many of you have a relationship that is loving and passionate with good communication. Let everyday be like the first time you chose to love each other. Start over with flowers, lover cards and special little things that carry you from one decade to the next.
Some of you have decided it is better to live alone, not lonely, and enjoy every day than to be in an ongoing dispute with a significant other. Start each day with a prayer of gratitude and stating your desires for your continued growth and bottom line what you choose to have in your ongoing friendships. You still need to make love, be held and feel passion.
Some of you have given it your best shot and with the end of the holidays and the New Year upon us are seriously considering starting over. You can start over in two ways.
Starting Over Choice One: You can let go of the past disagreements and hurts and actually forgive your self and your partner. Remember we are humans and make mistakes, which is how we learn. Eventually we can learn by watching others make mistakes and avoid the same pitfalls. We are not seeking perfection; we are perfectly seeking. This means learning, growing and apologizing when we have out-stretched our ability or have had a lapse of conscious behavior.
If you have been with the same partner for more then 5 years and are happy, then loving and forgiving self and others must be a part of your daily commitment.
Starting Over Choice Two: How do you close one door and open another? How do you end a relationship with kindness and respect, maintaining one's dignity while dividing the family finances, home, cars and unfortunately children? How do you end what was once a healthy, happy relationship? (I am not speaking about a dysfunctional, physically abusive, drug/alcoholic relationship).
- Do not wait till you are so angry you hate your spouse.
- Never lose respect for each other. You have differences; one is not better than the other, though you may feel this. You are both right and you are both wrong.
- You are losing the dream of what you thought this relationship was going to be. You stopped enjoying each other a long time ago. It is the lost dream that hurts, not the separation.
- The separation of your material things is just that: material things. Do not financially rape each other.
- If there are no children you are lucky.
- If there are children be honest with them. Always honor the parent that no longer lives with you; do not make yourself right at the expense of the other parent. Because, bottom line, it is at the expense of your children, not your ex-spouse.
- Take the time to figure out everything you learned from this relationship. These learnings are the building blocks for a future better love.
- Be specific with what you learned from your Ex or soon to be ex-partner. Tell them how important it was for them to be in your life so you could learn these lessons.
- Give them a very nice gift and say thank you. You may need to first feel humble realizing how much you have grown as a result of dealing with them in this relationship.
- Let go of the past and dream a new future. You can have the type of relationship you have always wanted.
The New Year is an opportunity to evaluate the old, change what is not working and put your attention on the life you are choosing to create every moment of every day with your thoughts, ideas, dreams and desires. What you think is what you create. Put some action with your thoughts and let each day be new and profound.
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Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C., Sexual Solutions. Ina is a marriage/relationship counselor resolving sexual problems, in private practice dealing with issues of erectile dysfunction, early or delayed ejaculation, loss of sex drive, aging, and teaching female ejaculation and non-orgasmic solutions. Mature men and women, you do not need to be without honest intimate touching. Resolve doubt and sexual insecurity, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation.
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