I'm Sexually Free Now What?
by Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C.

A couple we'll call Bill and Sally came to see me because their sex life had become mundane. They were ready for some adventure. They heard about social clubs and decided to venture out of their safe but dull sexual world.

For their first trip to the club, Bill and Sally went on couples night and were excited. They made some good agreements: they have been monogamous and would continue to be so. They just wanted to see some other couples playing openly. They decided to dress real sexy and to have sex at the club in a lock-the-door room where total privacy is guaranteed. They had a blast. They were both turned on by the openness and the other couples in varied attire from normal street clothes to very sexy, barely anything, see-through costumes dancing, fondling and caressing each other. They walked around and saw couples making love behind curtained windows that others could peer through. Some of the braver couples were in open rooms making love while others looked on at a respectful distance. Bill and Sally said they could never do that but wondered what would it be like. Their eyes were aglow with desire for each other.

Their private sex room was soon full of passionate sounds of thrusting and fucking, the way they used to. It worked! Their passion was back. They returned to the club many times. They started meeting other folks at the club, made new friends and became regulars. They began playing on the open beds and like the room where others can see in. They even sat on the big overstuffed couch, playing with each other, watching adult erotica on the big screen TV. It was so exciting the first time Bill slipped his hand into Sally's sexy top and caressed her nipples, then pulled her breasts out. He sucked and kissed them till she heard her own voice moaning above the TV porn star, while others watched her and not the television. Yes, the club was working.

But a year later they felt something was missing in their club activities. They were comfortable with nudity now and with making love anywhere. They went places and did things they never thought they would. So why was there this nagging feeling, this emptiness they both felt? The club was losing its draw and excitement. They opened up everything sexual they could open. They did so with good communication and agreements, so what was going wrong? They loved each other but were ready to give up on sex again.

So what if you can fuck in front of a crowd?
So what if you can be nude in a club or share your lovemaking with others?

Bill and Sally did what so many couples do. They confronted their social and religious sexual mores. The thrill of breaking the rules was no longer thrilling. They found the beauty in being sexually open and responsible, yet something was dying inside.

In all of their openness they never discovered
the spiritual side of sexuality.

Without the energy of intimate soul-baring, stripping yourself of everything, to feel vulnerable passion, the physical high becomes shallow.

So what if you can fuck in front of a crowd? So what if you can be nude in a club or share your love making with others? Were you able to bare your soul, look into each other's eyes and give of yourself? Were you able to give of your life force energy, not just your body? Were you able to give with unconditional love not with just physical passion?

Their innocence that was first so inviting became jaded. The building and sharing of energy did not happen and they felt lonely, even though they had come so far. We cannot separate the spiritual and the physical. When we do this we are putting a wall between us and God or the Great Spirit. We feel like we are dying inside because we are not connected to something greater then ourselves. Spirituality is sexuality. When we make sex a physical expression only, it is just as insane as the church telling us sex is only for procreation.

Ina Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C., Sexual Solutions. Ina is a marriage/relationship counselor resolving sexual problems, in private practice dealing with issues of erectile dysfunction, early or delayed ejaculation, loss of sex drive, aging, and teaching female ejaculation and non-orgasmic solutions. Mature men and women, you do not need to be without honest intimate touching. Resolve doubt and sexual insecurity, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation.